Single and Whole?

Journey loves Legos. Yup, my nearly 12 year-old, still thoroughly enjoys building with Legos. As his mom, who has to constantly remind him to clean up his mess of Legos, I look forward to the day when he outgrows them. But I also enjoy watching him express his creativity through them.

Because I know he loves them so much, I recently gave him a Lego-themed trinket. It was a pair of keychains. One for him and one for me. The concept was pretty simple. When the keychains are separated, they are two distinct Lego bricks (that’s what they’re called, in case you didn’t know). On their own, they are perfectly complete, missing nothing. But once joined together, they create something completely new and beautiful–a heart.

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I liked the idea of giving my son something that will remind him of his connection to me. But I also hope it reminds him that on his own, he is unique and valuable.

As I reflected on this idea, I thought about the contrast of singleness and married life. As a single person, it can sometimes be easy to believe that without being married or having a significant other, I’m somehow incomplete. It can feel like I’m one half of a whole, waiting for someone to come along and complete me. This feeling is especially poignant as a divorced woman. When divorce happens, there is a tearing that takes place. After all, when we were married, two became one.

Marriage is an incredible blessing that has been sanctioned and ordained by God. But it was not designed to make us whole. Wholeness can only be found in God.

I’m learning that there is beauty in singleness. It’s not some form of torture or punishment. Paul saw the value of being single when he said, “I wish that all were as I am myself. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single” (1 Corinthians 7:7-8 ESV). He goes on to say, “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:32-35 ESV, emphasis added).

God’s intention for singleness is undivided devotion to Him. I can’t imagine a better picture of wholeness than pursuing God’s singular purpose for my life, without distraction. Just like those Lego brick keychains, we should be whole and complete on our own. If we are given the blessing of marriage, it should create a new thing that is beautiful and God-honoring, not something that tries to fill a hole only God can fill. If we submit ourselves to God, in our singleness, He can do amazing things in and through us. We can live in wholeness, lacking nothing.